2 weeks ago I was not sure what was going on with me. I explained I recently had a baby and through it all I was an emotional rollercoaster. After I had my daughter I was so elated to meet my precious baby girl but I had constant pain in my lower back and hips. I also was quick to snap on the people I love. I just wasn’t right.

I went to my general practitioner who did a postpartum depression questionnaire -which I did not score well on. My doctor put me on an antidepressant which has done wonders for my mood but has also done well for my desire to chew on things which was a coping mechanism to calm me down. I chewed on pen tops, bottle caps, and ofcourse food.

Never be afraid to ask for help. Mental health is extremely important to your total well being. There are multiple stressors in the world with constant ways to compare your lives to other people’s lives on social media as well as in person. Many people put on a mask of perfection which can make anyone feel imperfect. We are all perfect in our own ways.

Think of ways to enrich your life. Holistic care, therapy, antidepressants, exercise, counseling, coaches, role models, confidantes, walking groups, study groups, book clubs, volunteer work, meditation…whatever works for you. Eventually you will find a calm within yourself.

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This morning I was scrolling through my news feed when I read an article that said “The New CICO Diet! Eat whatever you want, feel full, lose weight!” I had to roll my eyes at the article. I use to believe the Hype that CICO (calories in, calories out) actually worked but I tried that theory for YEARS and only gained weight.

I started having a weight problem starting at around 9 years old. My mother would take me to doctor after doctor trying to figure out why I was gaining about 50 lbs a year. I ate well. I played outside. I tried very hard to be a normal healthy active childhood and young adulthood. Being “normal” to me was never a reality. I began logging my calories and using a food scale around 12 years old. Still, the pounds packed on. Doctors would laugh at my mother telling her she needed to go to nutrition classes. Everyone was frustrated.

It was at 12 years old a doctor diagnosed me with PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) and told me that I may not be able to have children. This particular doctor told me to stay as active as possible and said it explained the meaning behind all my weight gain. The ridiculous part about everything is I could care less if I could have kids at that point. All I knew is I didn’t want to gain any more weight. I was sick of being fat.

I tried to eat 1500-1750 calories a day. I ate well. Brown rice, chicken breast, low fat yogurt, tons of fruit/veggies and never drank anything with added sugar or juices. I spent years hating the fat on my body. Years. Never eating French fries with my friends when we all went out. Never ordering anything fattening because I feared food and its’ effects. Endless nights crying while staring in the mirror wondering what I did to deserve this body of punishment. Perhaps there are people who can eat whatever they want as long as they stay below a certain caloric number. Like I say, everything won’t work for everybody. I can tell everyone with certainty that CICO did not work for me. Period.

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